My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
