I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
