ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
