But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
are you so shy because you have an std?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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