I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
