Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize