who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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