Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
