Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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