Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
