You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
