Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
