I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
