i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
