It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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