Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
