Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
