I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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