My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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