when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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