I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
