So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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