So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
