physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
