he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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