I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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