When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
