Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
