I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
