I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
They have beer where we have blood.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
