My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
