We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
