wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
