At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
