I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
