He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
