the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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