You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
high people should be assigned attendants
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
