I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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