i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
