if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
