dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
