Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
