hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
