butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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