I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
3pm strippers are depressing
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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