Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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