How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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