he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
