if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
