do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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