oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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