Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize