If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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