Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well I can't set my house on fire every night
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
