Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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