as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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