based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
