someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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