someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize