he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
