last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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