Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
where am i from again
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
