I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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