i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
