Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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