Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
