Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
