It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
