Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
