she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Drake has all the answers
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
