is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
